they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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