If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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