THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
