I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
