All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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