remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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