i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
