i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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