i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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