Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
