Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
