i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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