Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
