He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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