Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
