I think scott just propositioned me for sex
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
