i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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