My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
