Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
