Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
