We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Randomize
