We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize