you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
