This dress was meant to end up on your floor
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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