Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
