This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
