she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
