AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Randomize
