"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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