Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
