My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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