stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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