no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize