she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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