Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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