1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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