It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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