I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
