what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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