worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
