I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this beer tastes like vomit already
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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