Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
