It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
