I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
