Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
