She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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