I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
