dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I can't turn off my feet"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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