My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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