You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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