It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Randomize
