finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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