this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
