thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
