We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
