jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
