my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
