i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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