I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
