anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
