WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
