On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize