life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
