i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize