what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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